How to Share Your Pregnancy with a Friend That's Struggling to Conceive
It's really hard when something like this happens.
You find out that you're pregnant, but you know your friend is struggling to conceive. Now what? You're ecstatic and excited and you really want to share this news with your friend, but you don't know what to say, how to say it, or even really what to do.
Don't worry, I've got you covered. Keep reading and we'll tackle this together.
I want you to sit back and analyze the relationship that you have with this friend. You know them better than I do so I really want you to think about how they would handle the news.
There are so many ways that you can share the news with your friend. I've seen everything from people making little gift baskets to sharing it over a simple phone call. No one way is better than the other, especially when it differs from friendship to friendship.
But what I do ask that you consider is that while this is wonderful news, it may be really hard for your friend to hear and here's why:
Hearing about a pregnancy, especially for someone close, may make them feel like they're stagnant in their journey. Yes, they're happy for you, but they're also simultaneously grieving their own situation. Every pregnancy test from someone else is a reminder of the negative test for them.
So the best thing you can do is take a step back and think about how you can share this news with them while also giving them space to handle their own emotions.
Please, if you can, avoid bombarding them or surprising them with this news- especially in a room full of people.
Instead, I would start with a phone call, text, or letter. I know that this may come off as impersonal, but it's not. This gives them the opportunity to digest the news on their own as they work through all of the emotions that may come along.
Here's a template of what you can say:
"Hey ______. I just wanted to let you know that I'm pregnant. I know you guys have been struggling to conceive so I wanted to give you space to receive this and process it on your own. I love you and I'm here for you always. I know this may be hard to hear right now, but I really wanted you to hear it from me first. Take the time that you need and let me know when you're ready to talk."
This gives you the opportunity to share your news while also giving your friend the validation of their situation. Honestly, the fact that you acknowledge their situation in sharing your news at all is HUGE.
After your friend responds, I would encourage you to follow up with them and ask how involved they want to be moving forward. Do they want to hear updates or would that be triggering for them?
I know this may be uncharted territory and some people may say that this is catering too much to another person, but the thing is- if you care for your friend and you know that this could be difficult for them, wouldn't you want them to feel comfortable?
Believe me- infertility is HARD. Nothing about this situation feels normal, but I promise you that your friend will thank you for being so delicate about this whole thing and it will make your friendship even stronger.
However, I can't end this without saying that, unfortunately, some friendships do fall apart over situations like this. Sadly, I speak from experience. I lost a handful of friendships over situations like this because my friends didn't understand what I was going through and because I was at a place where I was really struggling in our journey.
This entire situation is complicated for everyone involved, but my advice is that if you truly care for this friend and you value their friendship, please take the time to give them space during this season. Keep the doors of communication open and have a lot of grace for one another as you navigate these uncharted waters.
If you're looking for a few things to help you celebrate your pregnancy, check out these products from the shop:
If you're looking for small gifts of encouragement for a friend that's struggling to conceive, check out these products from the shop: