Pregnant After Infertility

I wasn't prepared for the other side of infertility, meaning that I wasn't ready to be pregnant.

And isn't that a crazy thing to say?

You'd think that after years of fertility treatments, I'd be ready to be pregnant and welcome it whole-heartedly. But sadly, it's not that easy and the joys of pregnancy are just another thing that infertility robbed of me.

For those that may not understand, I think the best way to explain it would be that when you've received nothing but "NO" for such a long time, getting a "YES" is actually the scariest thing that can happen to you. 

As soon as I heard the words "you're pregnant" I was overwhelmed with joy, but as the realization of my reality began to settle in, I became overwhelmed with fear and anxiety.

I began to doubt EVERYTHING I did, from the food that I ate to the daily workouts that I attempted to do. 

Bottom line: I didn't want to screw it up.

I was scared of everything and anything to the point that it became paralyzing. Working out or eating too many french fries would keep me up at night wondering if I did something wrong to hurt our baby.

With my first pregnancy, I'll be honest that it didn't go away for a really long time. I don't think it was until I was in my third trimester that I finally felt like I could breathe and enjoy the remainder of my pregnancy. I've had people ask me what sparked this change or made my fear go away, but there wasn't a single moment or incident that encouraged change. 

One day, I just woke up feeling lighter. Maybe I finally just allowed myself to release the fear and experience joy. I don't really know, but it was just different. 

Entering my second pregnancy, I was very nervous that these feelings would return. In some ways they have and in some ways they haven't. I've been more relaxed this pregnancy- thankfully- and have allowed myself to feel and experience the joys that pregnancy offers. But it doesn't mean that I haven't had anxious thoughts or have been up all hours of the night from worrying.

I wanted to share this experience with you today because I know that I'm not alone. I've had so many other infertility warriors tell me that they've had similar experiences during their pregnancies after infertility and if this is something that you're going through, then I want you to know that you're not alone either. 

In fact, studies show that women who become pregnant through fertility treatments are more likely to experience depression during their pregnancy or postpartum by 25%.

Unresolved feelings from fertility treatments and feelings of loss of identity are just some of the components that lead to the potential depression in women.

Soooo if this is something you're currently going through, I want you to leave this post knowing that it's actually pretty common to experience depression (in some form) after having a successful IUI or IVF cycle. 

But just because it's common doesn't make it suck any less, am I right? 

I know you want to be happy and overjoyed and all of the things, but my best advice to you is this- don't push it. Don't force yourself to feel happy if you aren't truly happy. Instead, feel your feelings in full and when you're ready, I encourage you to talk to someone about what you're feeling. Whether it's your spouse, friend, family member, or therapist. 

Being open about your struggles doesn't make you weak. It opens the door for you to better understand your experience so that you can have a better handle on your emotions and in my opinion, that makes you a freaking WARRIOR!

If you ever need a friend or someone to chat with, please know that I'm here for you. Send me an email through our contact page or reach out via DM on Instagram. 

As we part ways, I want to reassure you that you're not alone in this. Your feelings are valid and you have a space in this community.